It is I, the Lone Wolf!
I grace you on this holy day, as I am told it is of some significance. My people inform me that we are celebrating the grave robbing of the Jesus of old by allowing rabbits to hide eggs in our homes and give candies to our children. What utter nonsense! I love it!
What next, we disembowel the Reverend Billy Graham and celebrate by dressing our dogs as cats! You silly street urchins are so odd, with your strange customs and ridiculous traditions. Oh how I loathe all your filthy ways.
It has come to my attention that my reality show I’m Famous! has recently exceeding 100 episodes, or some such gobbly goop. 103? Why am I only being told now? Where was my fanfare and celebrations? I demand celebrations!
It warms my heart to see that these strange drawing men have taken to paying me tribute by depicting my unflawed form and visage, though I wonder why they are all so bad at it? It must be difficult for such flawed men to depict perfection. Just take a photograph, fools!
The tabloids have covered the story of some inter-nerds speaking ill of me on their podcast? What the devil is a podcast?! Some nerd language? What trash these uncultured swine speak! I know not whom they think they are speaking to, but these nerd fellows had best watch themselves, lest I give them the thrashing of a lifetime!
So go forward and enjoy finding your disgusting hidden ground treats, eating your chocolate Jesuses, and throwing your colored bunny born eggs. I will not participate in such uncouth and bizarre behavior. Instead I will finish reading this hilarious book, as its lies and fantasies do so entertain me!