Black Snow Comics

-Let me start by reiterating that TNA is awful.  Looks like the rest of the world finally realized that at one of the worst PPV’s in wrestling history, Bound For Glory.  The very predictable reveal of “They” to be Bischoff, Hogan, Jarrett and Abyss has done nothing but reinforce the fact that this company has no idea what it is doing.  Those 4 men suck.  1 isn’t a wrestler, 1 is an old man who can barely walk, one is an old man who was never a good wrestler and the last is a big goofy moron who has never been any good in the ring.  The only “surprise” was Jeff Hardy joining the group.  The only reason it was a surprise is because it doesn’t make any sense.  There was no reason for it.  It was a terrible idea since Hardy is one of the worst men on the mic and cannot pull this angle off.

Not to mention this is an obvious NWO rip off.  It doesn’t even pretend not to be!  TNA could not turn into anymore of a crappy clone of WCW’s dying days, and it has become all too clear.  Oh, and this new NWO group has already merged with Flair’s Fortune to form one huge cluster that derailed a whole episode of Impact last night.

It’s just crap.

-Dixie Carter may be the worst actress in the history of pro wrestling, and that history is filled with a lot of bad acting.  She is awful and should not be allowed on TV.  And now she’s supposed to be TNA’s big good guy.  Ugh.

-Speaking of awful, I still hate Michael Cole.  I recently read Vince McMahon is very happy with him and that is why we have to put up with him on Raw and Smackdown now.  On Raw last Monday I heard him say that Daniel Bryan is the reason team WWE lost at Summerslam.  They WON, moron.  He also said Justin Bieber is a rapper.  Yeah, he knows pop culture.

His new antagonistic persona isn’t working.  Why?  For one he only does it very inconsistently, towards only certain wrestlers or situations.  It just doesn’t make sense.  Secondly, he sounds very forced when doing it.  It doesn’t come from anywhere genuine, and it is obvious when you listen to him.

-The Cena/Nexus storyline is still very good.  It has some legs and could go a few different routes, including the much talked about Cena heel turn.  Barrett has been golden, and his mistreatment of Cena has been very entertaining.  This dissent by David Otunga is somewhat intriguing.

-Speaking of the Nexus, I’m glad the loss of Skip Sheffield didn’t hurt the group, and I don’t think anyone will really miss Michael Tarver or Darren Young.  The likely addition of Husky Harris and Michael McGillicuddy should be good.  I’m not too high on McGillicuddy, but he’s not too bad in the ring.  I really like Harris, he was my favorite during NXT season 2.  He’s got a unique look, presence and way of speaking.  He reminds me a lot of Dusty Rhodes.

-NXT season 3 has been downgraded to an online only show.  People really hated this all diva season and constantly complained about the lack of wrestling.  The IWC seems to hate women’s wrestling in general.  I like the show, and didn’t care that it was similar to the diva search we’ve seen in the past.  It was fairly entertaining.  I won’t watch it online though.  It’s not good enough for me to seek it out and watch it on a computer.  It was a good dvr show, nothing more.  BTW, Kaitlyn is my favorite.

-Glad to see CM Punk have such a strong debut on Raw last Monday.

He is one of the best and deserves a lot better than he was getting on Smackdown.  I was worried when I heard he’d be going to Raw, thinking that things would get even worse for him with such a top heavy main event seen, but his debut gives me some hope.

-Speaking of Smackdown, the main event feud between Kane and the Undertaker is boring.  I was happy for Kane to get his time to shine at the top after all these years, but seeing him fight his brother for the millionth time does not interest me.  Their characters are gimicky and outdated in the modern wrestling world.  This extends to their storylines and promos.  Fast forward through that and Smackdown is still a good show.

-I think the Jack Swagger and his Soaring Eagle are brilliant.

Since you all apparently can’t get enough of my thoughts on the faux sport of pro wrestling I thought I’d give you some more.

- Lets start with TNA.  It is total crap and has become virtually unwatchable. I’ve been watching TNA fairly regularly since the days when it aired on Fox Sports, some 5 or 6 years ago, and it is really worse than ever now.  The main appeal of it back in the day was that it was just something different, a strange oddity.  It gave you a chance to see all these old wrestlers that disappeared years ago and young new guys you hadn’t heard of.  It also offered a bit of a different style of wrestling action.  It was nothing to take too seriously, just a fun way to waste some time.

Now it has become an unbearable hype machine that tries to imitate WWE but comes off more as WCW in its final days before closing down.  Everything sucks about it.  The announcers are awful, the “writing” is atrocious, the booking is nonsensical, the roster is overloaded and under used, the shows are very over produced and the production just has this cheap, phony vibe to it.  They constantly attempt to reinvent themselves because nothing ever works and it is maddening.  There is NO CONSISTENCY to any of it.

I used to think Jeff Jarrett was TNA’s biggest problem, but Dixie Carter has been even worse.  Not to mention the complete and total failure that has been Hogan and Biscoff.  All you get now is ridiculous hype that is never close to being realized, a bunch of no talent has-beens and crappy indy darlings, and a very amateurish, unpolished final product.

Basically there is not a single reason to watch this crap anymore, and I don’t think I will.  They literally ruined everything they touched.  Wrestlers I really like?  They get there and they suck, probably because they lower themselves to the standards of the environment, and they are subjected to the ridiculous writing and booking.  Hell, TNA has even caused me to dislike my all-time favorite wrestler, Mick Foley.  I could go on at length with specific examples of what’s wrong with TNA but really it’s not worth my time.  It’s a sad, desperate sinking ship and I’m jumping off.

- In related news I bumped into former TNA world heavyweight champion Rob Van Dam walking down the streets of Waikiki while I was on vacation.  For any naive people wondering, he was wearing only shorts and he did not have any injuries on his body from his “attack” by Abyss.  Like most things in wrestling, that was totally fake, and I’ve got a pic with him to prove it.  Rob Van Dam is a really nice guy, I met him back in my high school years at an autograph signing and he couldn’t have been any cooler, and he was very nice in Hawaii as well.

That being said, he is very stale in the ring and yet another example of TNA pushing has-beens.  Not to mention the ridiculous booking that had him win the title on a random Impact with no build up after only being in the company for like a month.  He’s your perfect example of why the company sucks.

- Everyone in the IWC seems to be bitching about the Nexus’s theme music since they replace the NXT theme.  Here’s the song everyone seems to hate:

What’s so bad about that?  Personally I think it’s pretty rockin’ and a really perfect fit for the group, as they always put an emphasis on the collective good and being part of something bigger than themselves.

- Another theme song that has the IWC buzzing is Daniel Bryan breaking out some classical music with Ride of the Valkyrie.  Check out the awesome debut of this theme:

People are fairly mixed on this theme and what exactly it means, and it’s a little early to tell how they plan to portray his character.  We’ve seen him reading a book about the conspiracy behind Lincoln’s assassination, and  Michael Cole constantly likes to remind us Bryan is a vegan who doesn’t own a TV.  So my best guess is that they want to portray Bryan as a modern hipster who’s into a very specific cultural, almost a yuppy, and somewhat sophisticated.  Honestly I think it’s cool and could really be something distinct and memorable, much the same way as the Macho Man and Rich Flair have highly iconic classic music themes.

- Well, that’s all I’ve got time for now, but check back soon for some more thoughts on pro wrestling.

So Hulk Hogan announced roughly two weeks ago that he and Eric Bischoff had signed on with TNA, and the IWC has been buzzing and speculating ever since. Remarkably most of this talk has been positive.  TNA marks and wrestlers all seem very excited about this, and have referred to it as the way TNA is going to step up to the next level.  I’ve only heard a handful of people predict Hogan’s signing as the downfall of the company, but I think that is a lot more likely than them having some kind of meteoric rise due to signing on this old has-been. Let’s look at some of the reasons why the Hulkster won’t be saving the company, shall we.

Hulk in the 80s

The problem is people are acting like this is the man who has been signed, but it isn’t.  This is the man almost 30 years ago!  Hell, he looked old even then.   He’s an old man now who can barely move with his fake hip.   Before this signing most people were talking about how pathetic he was for having to put on this tour of Australia with the other old man, Ric Flair.  The man has made a lot of mistakes and is forced to wrestle again because he needs the money.  So from a performance perspective we can expect a man who is 10 years worse than he was when he sucked in WCW.   But Hogan has never really been about wrestling, he’s always been more of a character relying heavily on an image.  Since the 90s he’s been relying on the nostalgia of his image in the 80s, but he’s done a lot to tarnish that image now.

Hulk Hogan in WCW/NWO

In the 90s Hogan revealed his true character to the world by exposing himself as the ultimate backstage politician. He became known for promoting himself and his friends at the expense of others. Young talent was held back and publicly ridiculed on TV, while Hogan and his buddies hogged the spotlight. Ultimately Hogan played a huge part in the company going out of business by destroying their on screen product with his selfish use of creative control, the same creative control he is alleged to have in TNA. More recently Hogan showed the same selfish attitude when he partook in a feud with Shawn Michaels that had to be ended early when Hogan refused to lose any of their matches.

I attended a Smackdown taping in 2003, the final show before Wrestlemania 19 and Hogan’s match with Vince McMahon. It is the only time I’ve seen Hogan live, and I’ll admit that I was very excited. He came out and started posing, playing to the crowd and all our childhood memories. Then the asshole stood there for 10 minutes “taking in the adulation.”  They had to go to a commercial break and come back before he spoke. Honestly, people were going nuts when he came out, but it died down a lot by the time he began his promo. They piped in a louder, longer reaction when it aired. When Hogan did speak it was mostly the same tired act he had been using whenever he was a face since the 80s. There were a lot of “brothers” and talk about “Hulkamania”, but nothing much was really said. By the end of the promo I was bored, and I don’t think I was the only one. It had become obvious that this man was a shell of his former self. And Hogan has gotten a lot worse since then!

Hogan with daughter Brooke

In recent years Hogan has become more known for whoring out himself and his family than for wrestling. He has over exposed himself and really disgraced his name by promoting his terrible daughter’s failed music career and starring in one of the fakest, most over produced “reality shows” I’ve ever seen. Many people are sick of Hogan and his pathetic attempts to garner attention at this point. His entire life appears to be one bad publicity stunt. His new image that he’s created is of a truly trashy individual and a creepy con-man.

Hulk Hogan in his creepy thong.

Hogan lately has been discussed mostly for his very public divorce, unsettling flirtatious behavior with his daughter, his idiot son street racing and nearly killing a man in the process, his ex-wife dating her son’s very young friend, and Hulk himself dating a young girl who looked a lot like his daughter. Hogan and his family have become pure tabloid trash. The latest, Hogan has a new book. He joined TNA to help finance his divorce and to promote another biography. This is a pathetic, thinly veiled attempt to shill us more crap by Hogan and TNA. Hogan’s book tour has mostly been about him telling a story about attempting suicide since the divorce, oh and he’s barely mentioned TNA. He doesn’t honestly care about the company and his heart won’t be in it to help it grow. Lets look at a couple of reasons why TNA won’t be able to capitalize on their recent mainstream attention.

As you see, they failed to do so when they already tried bringing in Hogan in 2003. BTW, this was Hogan’s only appearance with the company! Nothing came of it, and no one cared. The never-was midcarder Jarrett did his lame guitar smashing gimmick and that was that. Yet the pathetic company that TNA is, they constantly include this as a top company moment and air this footage even today!

In general TNA sucks, and they always have. Their booking is awful and usually makes no sense. It has been proven too many times to count, and the way they’ve mishandled other talent like Somao Joe, Kurt Angle and Booker T should show you what we are in store for. And if it is true that Hogan and Bischoff will have creative and booking power, than expect things to go much the same route as the early mentioned WCW, when Hogan and friends killed the product by holding others back and only promoting themselves.

Perhaps most importantly, people are already losing interest. It hasn’t even been two weeks and the buzz has died considerably. The airing of Hogsn’s press conference announcement on Impact was the lowest rated part of the show! The overall ratings were up slightly, but dropped back down to their normal low levels this week. Here’s a thought, maybe they should have gotten Hogan in the ring and started a storyline after the announcement, instead of airing a damn press conference and showing talent talking about what Hogan joining TNA means! If he couldn’t start yet then they should have delayed the whole announcement. All their momentum is virtually gone.

So, in closing, to all you TNA fanboys who were taughting Hogan’s arrival as if it were the second coming, think again. If anything this should go to show you that TNA will likely never grow, and will always be the very distant number 2 wrestling company, until they finally fold.