I Do Not Care for the Internet, or Webcomics

It is I, the Lone Wolf.

I’m a highly learned man, on the cusp with the cutting edge technology.  Tech savvy, as the children are so fond of quipping.  I know that the internet is nothing more than a series of connected tubes created by our former president.  I do the blog and find time to tweet.  So it is with some great sense of authority that I proclaim to you that the internet is stupid.

If you are reading this very web log, then you are a nerd.  I don’t like nerds!  Go out and play all ready!  How can you expect to be a muscular manly hero like me if you sit around on your computer machines all day?

The nerdiest thing of all?  These so called online webcomics.  Firstly, comics are the lowest form of all media. Crude, simple drawings with even more simplistic and rudimentary writing.  It’s the perfect storm of garbage!  And I’m speaking of the professional ones!

Did you know that these webcomics are not even done by professionals?!  Anyone can make one!  Poppycock!  I did a search on the Google for webcomic and it brought me to a most wretched thing called XKCD.  This fool draws in stick figures!  And he forgets to include jokes! Simply awful.  XKCD indeed!  That’s not even a real name!  Where’s the vowel?

And that is the most popular of these putrid webcomics?  The others are no better! Talking animals?  Get real! And many do not even have drawings!  They are from the kids’ vidoegames!  Is that not just stealing from these fine videogame makers?  Make your  own art, thieves. O r I will come arrest you!

Then there’s all the Japanese “manga” as the street people call it.  Total trash!  The drawings make no sense, and every other picture is about a man looking up a woman’s skirt!  Where is the dignity?!  From what I can tell these are the attempts at doodling a cartoon pornography by hormonally disturbed Asians.  Get help, you are sick!

As a super hero I must take a stand and save you all from the most insidious villain ever…technology!  This perverted online world is warping your minds!  You need to leave it now!  Smash your computers and read a book!  Perhaps the family Bible can still save your depraved souls.  There is a bright shiny beautiful world out there, go be a part of it…before it is too late and you become a slave to the very device you’re reading this on!

If it isn’t in the Bible, than it shouldn’t exist.

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